If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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