i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The ass gains better be worth it
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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