My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
