i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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