He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
