Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
