My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
