Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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