So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
