Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
two words...techno handjob
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
