the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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