textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
