I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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