I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
