i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just forgot I was standing up.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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