Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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