Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
