My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
should my penis look like a turkey
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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