She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
