Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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