Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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