Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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