i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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