No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize