So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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