I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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