He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
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