Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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