You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
it's like iHOP with fire
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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