I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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