We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
