Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize