haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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