if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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