i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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