i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
