I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
