so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
