I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
