I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
