So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
