Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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