i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
