ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
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He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
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I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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