WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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