If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
