I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Randomize
