she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
