so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
