so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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