Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
