I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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