just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
wow bdsm is so cute
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
