we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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