I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Everything about him screamed your future.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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