Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
