420 ftw
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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