I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
