OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
