There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
