I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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