So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
