JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
