I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
