I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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