To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
