I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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