The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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