My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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