You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
