I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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