you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
