i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
