highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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