The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
